Update
Sunday, August 28, 2004

The memorial service for Mary Susan McCance took place on a beautiful afternoon last Thursday, August 26 at St. Cecilia Catholic Church in Tustin, California. Nearly 1,000 people were in attendance, a number of them traveling from many miles to pay their final respects to Susan and lend their support to Mike, Susan's mother Josephine, Susan's brother Chuck, and the other members of her family. Father John Andrews officiated the service, and memorials were given by Chuck McCance (Susan's borther), Dr. Jan Billings (Susan's mentor, friend and former AUHSD superintendent), Nicole Kezos (former Brookhurst Junior High School student), and finally her husband Mike.

Memorial Service Program (PDF format, 128k) Download the free Adobe Reader

The family is grateful to everyone for their neverending support and prayers all throughout this difficult time.

Dear, Dear Friends:

Susan and I cannot thank you enough for all you have done. Your prayers are comforting and your support lends strength to this difficult moment. Susan passed to the other side this morning at 8:15. It was peaceful and calm.

Susan and I often visited about how blessed we were to have found each other and to be moving through this life together. It was truly a magical time for us. Our house is in the process of a major remodel to the backyard and the rebuilding of a garage with guest rooms. Susan has already laid out the plans and the yard will look as she intends it. Our professional lives could not be better. She is the new Director of Curriculum for Anaheim Union High School District and I just completed one of the busiest and best years with DifferenceMakers. Life is good.

Then this. What could it mean? How could it happen?

Susan and I also believe that in this human condition, we are not in charge. More than once we were amazed at the "God Things" that came into our lives. We celebrate those things. So, when something like this happens, Susan and I believe that it, too, is a "God Thing."

Whether we are caught in the battle of good and evil or some test of faith really becomes, for us, moot. The facts are that we are not in charge and we believe our job is to do the best we can with what comes our way, including this. It is our job (those still in this plane) to look for the good in this, look for the miracles wrought by Susan in our lives. I know that anyone reading this has been touched by Susan and has been changed for the better.

When I look for miracles, I cannot help but see:

1. That Susan and I found each other again after all those years.
2. With the differences we shared on little things - politics, finances, computer choices, etc. - we not only came together but grew together and shared many thoughtful and profound discussions.
3. With my travel schedule, the fact that I was home when the stroke hit and that we were able to shout over it that we loved each other.
4. That the kind of stroke she had knocked out her conscious brain right away so that she did not suffer and only experienced a brief anxiety at the onset.
5. That her network of friends could so quickly marshal themselves into an army of well wishers, positive thinkers, and people engaged in thoughtful prayer.
6. That she could have already arranged the plans for the back yard so that we will have a living testament to Susan and her dream for the house she so loves in Tustin. All the major choices for that project were completed before that fateful Sunday.
7. That with that terrible prognosis of possible sustained coma, she passed peacefully and quietly to a better place before her family had to make some very difficult decisions.

I did not get the miracle I most desperately wanted, Susan back full-strength, but look at the blessings I had. Seventeen years of knowing her and 4 years of genuine closeness to someone who is strong, loving, thoughtful, courageous, determined, sensitive, practical, wishful, pragmatic, curious, intelligent, giving, fun, flexible, visionary, humble, inclusive... (you complete the list). I also had 4 years of "Hi Hon! IT'S ME!!" as she cheerfully supported my efforts in my dream to make a difference in education. She was the perfect companion. Oh, God, I will miss her. But then you will as well.

So, Susan and I want you to know that your prayers were answered!! We did not get the answer any of us wanted BUT we had some miracles. I believe what those of us left behind must do is look for the blessings and Miracles in our lives. Look for the "God Things." When we see them, celebrate knowing that His will is being done. If you get in a bind trying to figure out what you should do with a problem in your life, may I suggest you do what I am going to do. Ask yourself "what would Susan do?" To some that might seem to upstage the "What Would Jesus do" movement but for me, the answer you will get to either question will be the same. Susan is a special force in the universe and we are all blessed to have known her.

As for me, I wrote this when Susan and I first began this part of our lives together back in January, 2001.

"And so I thought of you again just now and I like how that feels.
The beginning of the day.
A chance to dream of touching you and being by your side.
Of standing in the glow of you to learn where LOVE must hide.
It's almost unreal to me - to think of you like this
To conjure up a nearness, defined with just one kiss.
The very warmth of seeing you inside my mind just now
Fills me, calms me, settles my soul as only you know how.
I am not so sure you know you know, but I suspect you do.
Perhaps because, in moments shared, I do the same for you.
I feel you reaching out to me 'cross miles and miles and miles
Not clinging. Not demanding, just there to help build smiles.
This is different than before - not needy, anxious, rushed
Somehow trusting in the moment, my fears are so soon hushed.
So off I go to live this day with you inside me here
To face what comes and live what is and all without a fear.
Sweet soul mate know I sense you here, just for me to feel
And God of gods please help to make this WE TOGETHER real."

Mike 1/31/2000

He did!!!! I am a better man and I will work hard to be worthy of the love of MARY SUSAN McCANCE.

Thank you again for your support. Take comfort. Be strong.

Mike

What can you do?

Your prayers and thoughts have been enough. Thank you.

If you would like to make a financial contribution in lieu of flowers, you can contribute to, in honor of Susan, something she believed deeply in: the role student activities play in our educational institutions. She was inducted into the Hall of Fame for the California Association of Directors of Activities, (CADA) just last year. Contributions can be made in her name to:

The CADA Memorial Scholarship Fund
c/o Cindy Bader
90 Village Circle
San Rafael, CA 94903

Make checks payable to: CADA Scholarship Fund in Memory of Susan McCance

This will go a long way toward helping that organization help kids - and Susan was definitely about helping kids.

Snapshots Of My Love - Susan McCance
Written in 2001

Mental Pictures I have of you...

Watching you - you are buried somewhere in your mind and then…. You see me…Wow! I love that light in your eyes. Snap!

In the shower - back of your neck, head down humming as the water beats on your shoulders - Snap!

I'm buried under something I think is important and you glide into my space - a warm touch followed by your head on my shoulder - Snap!

I love listening to you tell the story of your day. The ups. The downs. The lessons and then you find the humor in something you did or said and you light up and impress yourself with your wit. It impresses me too but I love your impressing you. Snap!

In the morning you are not quite all here. I love the struggle within you to bring all your systems online. You seem to wake up from inside out. Your body knows the moves and executes them and then your brain seems to discover where it is and it is pleased. Snap!

Your hand on my shoulder sitting on the couch with the rest of you pressed into me while you direct your attentions somewhere else, confident in our togetherness and freed by it to send your energy to other reaches of the room. Snap!

Listening to you explain something you think you know and watching you discover that perhaps you don't. The realizations in your eyes and the smug smile of that recognition is very special. Doesn't happen often but when it does - Snap!

You glance over and make sure I am okay while you are listening to someone else. No words exchange between us. None are needed. We each hear, "Just checking to make sure you are okay." Snap!

I step up behind you. You only sense I'm there so when I wrap my arms around you, you tense but quickly sense it's me and then melt into me. Snap!

Intensely looking over your dog for fleas and ticks. Focused on the task and doing it with such care. I would love to be that dog. Sometimes I am. Snap!

When you think about something, you seem to freeze while your brain races through the processes. There is a little nod of your head when you have decided and then and only then do you proceed. Snap!

Some snapshots are auditory:

You giggle. Did you know? I don't picture you giggling much because some how I don't see you as a giggler. The contrast from my perception of you and you giggling is a startling revelation. I love to hear you giggle. Maybe I love it because it is so - not you usually and when it is you - it marks a special letting go and ease with me that somehow says - this is good. Thank you for the giggle. Snap!

Oh, I love your special laugh as well. The way you throw your head back and let the laughter flow not only with your voice but also with your eyes and with your entire body. When you laugh, you laugh and it is so very real and so very full. I love your laughter but I cherish your giggle.
Snap!

I love the fact that you seem to complete me. Not as if I was missing anything but rather like you are the spice that takes my recipe to a higher level. I love you and being loved by you. Not confining - refreshing! WE! Snap!

I love "Hi Hon! It's me!" Your special greeting two, three, four times a day. There it is waiting for me on me cell phone. Left by a busy you in between your making a difference where you are and me making one where I am. Isn't it great we can do that? We are blessed!
Snap!

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